Tarot Destiny

Your fab and fave online empath has just announced that if you are not careful your tarot destiny could have you falling in love with a vampire! You snigger, as far as you are concerned vampires are great, you love the latest “vampire mode that is hitting the globe” mode, but frankly a tarot destiny indicating you could fall in love with one is more than a bit steep, it is a load of nonsense!

Meeting The Vampire

No, you certainly don’t believe in vampires, or that daft tarot destiny reading. But facts have to be faced, the guy you recently have a dire crush on stands out. He is a lone wolf, he does not have any family history to speak of and arrived at the “Import/Export Med. Equipment” business where you work, without an introduction from the boss. You start to wonder; certainly he has unfashionably long hair, wears frilly shirts to “Happy Hour” and is very, very pale?

The thing that disturbs you is that he is inclined to show up in sun glasses even on cloudy days. He is also inclined to hide behind his office screen when the sun comes out, he insists tans are vulgar and looks like death – although a devastatingly good looking “death”. So much so, all the girls at the office have a crush on him too.

This guy, other than being debonair is old fashioned when it comes to his perceptions on life and love whilst sucking on his Guinness down the pub he tells you he likes his women to resemble Italian sopranos! One could almost say he is “Grist for that Wuthering Heights Mill”. You can just see him roaming around the moors, as a lookalike Heathcliffe, screaming “Cathy”.

Colleagues only start to gossip when they see your pale, languid and physically toned crush taken aside by the boss who has a very serious exprsssion on his face and seems to be admonishing your Mr. Pale and Languid. Could he be dealing in herbal medicine? Could he have gotten involved with some sort of pyramid scheme? You only start worrying when you note that the telephone number on his visiting card is Transylvania 0909.

He asks you back to his “digs” a sordid house share in a rundown area of town; you know plastic chairs in the kitchen, three flying ducks over the gas meter fireplace. He proudly shows you his Vampire Film collection with titles like “Vampire in Brooklyn”, “Dracula 2000”, “Queen of the Dammed”, etc. He does not turn a hair even at the most horrific scene. Instead, his hand sort of brushes your knee. Looking very depressed when the vampire ghoul bites the fragile neck of a super beautiful leading lady he leans forwards apparently to grab yours. You flush and rush out the door saying you have to do your granny’s shopping.

The trouble is he borrowed your “Santana” CD five months ago, asked for ten quid down the pub, insisted you iron his shirts, do his shopping and when you have time write his yearly office report on the importance of blood transfusions in Romania. You wonder if rather than being a vampire he could be a scrounger. But you don’t dare admit it to yourself.

You return to the psychic and ask her to do another of her tarot destiny readings. She smiles and says “you are going to dump a vampire love!”

It is then that you realize what she really means; your Mr. V is actually a scrounging, freeloading leech. The woman was right! You will pay far more attention to that tarot destiny reading next time around!