SPEAK TO MY PSYCHICS

What makes an Aquarius tick

You learn a whole new vocabulary when you meet an Aquarian. Forget about the usual words, and ponder on ones like 'contrary', 'bizarre', 'radical' and 'outrageous'. In fact, you'd do well to remember them, because you're going to need them.

Before I go any further, let's get one thing straight. Well, two, if you're going to be pedantic. There are two types of Aquarians: those ruled by Saturn and those ruled by Uranus. It's strange, I know, but then a lot of people think Aquarians are strange.

Saturn is the ancient ruler of Aquarius; when rebellious, revolutionary Aquarius was revealed he was given to the Sun sign most fitting that description Airy Aquarius.

Saturn Aquarians tend to be conservative, reliable, and positive pillars of proper society. You won't catch them wearing lampshades for hats, unless you've spiked their sherry. If that sounds a bit like Capricorn, you're right. Saturn Aquarians do have a lot of Capricorn's characteristics, so if you think you know one, turn back to the previous chapter and have a gander at the Goats.

I'm going to deal mostly with Uranus-ruled Aquarians here. Usually, you will discover which planet is strongest by studying the birth chart. Sometimes it will be easier you may meet an Aquarian who is so Saturnine it's not true, or so unusual that they have to be Uranian.

An ancient astrological adage says you can't tell Aquarians anything because they know it already, and very often will tell you so. One of the negative qualities of Aquarians is their one-upmanship. You can meet an Aquarian mate for a meal, and arrive in a wheelchair swathed in bandages. As the waiter whizzes you to the table, you will smile through your layers of lint, expecting a sudden show of sympathy. The Aquarian will look up, and ask you what happened. So far so good. After you've mumbled in a muffled manner that you were weeding your window-box and fell off, fracturing your femur and splitting your skull, the Aquarian will sigh, say 'Oh is that all?' and go on to recount how they once broke both arms and both legs, wrecked their ribs and buckled their back, while Morris dancing at Kew Gardens. It can make you mad, but don't kick them with your cast, because it'll hurt you more than them. The negative Saturn Aquarian can be like the negative Capricorn, and be plagued with pessimism, downcast by depression and doubt, and worn out with worry.

The two halves of Aquarius are so very different. If the Saturn type is black and white, then the Uranian Aquarian has all the colours in the spectrum. They can be completely confusing, contrary, unpredictable and incomprehensible qualities that set them completely apart from their Saturn brothers and sisters. Uranus Aquarians are all of a jitter, rushing here and there, and constantly changing their moods. In astrology, Uranus is known as the great awakener, as if a magic wand had been waved, the word 'abracadabra' said. He will create change in something that was static. So, the Uranus-ruled Aquarian is ceaselessly craving change.

On a positive level, this means that the Aquarian is eternally excited and exhilarated by what may lie round the corner, and there may be sudden changes of career, luck or partners, when Uranus decides to stage a shake-up. Negatively, an Aquarian will want to change things just for the sake of it, because he or she longs to rock the boat. Routine can be anathema to an Aquarian; the Saturn Aquarian, on the other hand, may find it rather reassuring. This is the quintessence of the Aquarian quandary complete contradiction, with one half of the sign panting for pastures new, and the other following the furrow.

You never know what's going to happen next with an Aquarian. Life can be a lot of fun, or you can find it very tiring. Aquarians are unconventional, but they are also original, and along with Geminis, are said to be the geniuses of the zodiac. They can be inventive and brilliantly clever, although sometimes they are spectacular in such a strange way, so abstract and off at such a tremendous tangent, that no one knows what they're talking about! Aquarians are really born way ahead of their time. Other people, who are rather less free-thinking and original, will conclude that they are completely cranky.

Another Aquarian contradiction is that although Water Carriers are said to be humanitarians, they can be emotional ice cubes in the cocktail of life, and don't easily express their emotions. They can be humanitarian helping others, sending cash to charities, or being affectionate on a large scale yet find their own close relationships difficult to cope with. Aquarius is a Fixed sign, so it can be intolerably inflexible and intransigent. For all their brainpower and brilliance, Aquarians can be staggeringly stupid and stubborn, standing their ground over a long-lost cause and unable to admit they are in the wrong.

Since Aquarius is an Air Sign, the Aquarian will be much more mesmerised by a marriage of the minds than a partnership of passion and physical fulfilment. Very often, they pick the most unlikely looking person for a partner, because they will have chosen them for their mind rather than for anything else. Aquarians can have some very avant-garde relationships!

Aquarians think of the future a great deal; often when they have just crossed one hurdle, they will think 'Where will this lead?' and 'I wonder what's going to happen next?'

And this brings me to another Aquarian attribute. They are the only sign to answer a question with a question. Ask an Aquarian if it's raining, and he or she will ask you why you want to know. The first word Aquarian children learn is 'Why?', and they will continue to ask that question all through their lives.

You can never get really close to an Aquarian. Unless they have plenty of Pisces and Taurus in their charts to warm them up, they can be aloof and cold and difficult to cuddle. But for all that, life with an Aquarian, either as a pal or a partner, will never be dull and that's something to think about!